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(no subject) [Apr. 16th, 2011|12:02 am]
I'm depressed. What's new.

I decided I just want to up and off of the computer. I'm gonna go wallow in my own self pity and beat myself up over everything that I can't control.
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(no subject) [Jan. 15th, 2011|11:36 am]
I am way pissed and I just want it to stop. Do you know how long it's been since the last time I cried for no good fucking reason? Quite a few months save for dreams that I really cannot help.

But dammit I'm pissed off. I just want it to stop. I can't focus on anything and I just want this mean feeling to go away. this is such an awful way to wake up on a saturday morning. But god I'm in the most rotten mood I've had to fathom waking up in since everyday I used to wake up hating my life and not wanting to get up. It's a damn good thing I didn't have school today or I'd be fucked.

I hope I'm okay. Even if no one is concerned, I definitely am. I don't need other people's concern. Just someone to talk to and that's why I'm here.
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(no subject) [Dec. 13th, 2010|11:24 am]
I usually only post on live journal when I'm sad or upset with no one left to talk to.
Anyone who reads my posts (that are available) knows this.

In an effort to be less negative all the time,
What do you think (if anyone is reading) about deleting my livejournal?
Would that help or hurt me?
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2010|07:32 am]
I'm thrilled for the day I lose all sympathy for anyone who remotely gives a shit about me so I have the courage to kill myself.
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So I've been gone for a bit [Oct. 10th, 2010|09:35 pm]
I'm back home but I can't help but feel like I've been forgotten..... or like I don't belong anymore.
Did I become someone who no one wants to be around? It sure feels like that...
Or like everyone's life is progressing too quickly to bother keeping up with me.
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(no subject) [May. 17th, 2010|11:16 am]
I don't understand how people put up with life and it's trials.
I wanna kill myself so badly.
Little things set me off and I hate myself for it.

The only thing stopping me?
The possibilities of if I survive.
If I survive trying to kill myself, what'll happen? Will I become retarded? Or will I just seem crazy to everyone else? Either option will make it so then I'll definitely NEVER find anyone to love me.
The little things in life I won't be able to enjoy anymore either. You can't enjoy anything when you're dead.

But are the little things worth living for compared to what I care about the most?
I can't tell if it's worth it to put up with the constant upsetting and heart break just to enjoy the smaller things in life.

Stay tuned?

(no subject) [May. 2nd, 2010|12:27 pm]
I wish I could write in a way that creeps inside your chest and grabs your heart.
I want my words to go in through your mouth and find its way to your core, to make your heart stop when you've realized that everything else ceases to exist because of this feeling.

That's what music does to me.
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It goes here for safe keeping [Apr. 24th, 2010|10:47 am]
I found this saying my Aunt put up, and it hit the nail on the head. I want it here for safe keeping because I think that it heavily applies to my situation.

"Don't analyze people. The easiest way to help them is to assume they're not loved. Give them care and attention and quiet listening. It always does the trick. The rest is ego and projection and b.s. Today, focus on one friend/colleague/family member that isn't making sense to you. Forget making sense out of them. Love them."
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(no subject) [Apr. 9th, 2010|08:35 am]
[music |come to me - clazziquai]

Now I have to put up with my worst fear.
Yay. /sarcasm
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(no subject) [Apr. 7th, 2010|02:19 pm]
I'm not even back in LA and I'm already not allowed to sleep.

I feel kind of empty today. Just a bit as if I've lost something really important in my life.
Hopefully that's not the case......
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